Am I the only one who despises Nintendo’s awful stylus gimmick? (RANT)

Am I the only one who despises Nintendo’s awful stylus gimmick? (RANT)

What the fuck?

Really?

Being a longtime Legend of Zelda fan, I decided to finally take the plunge and see what all the DS Craze was about. I bought a red DS Lite and a few games to go with it. One of those games was the latest handheld Zelda title at the time, The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. Let’s just skip the prologue and get straight to the point now. What the fuck was Nintendo thinking? I’m all for change so long as that change brings a new and better experience, but that isn’t what Nintendo’s plastic pen stick thingie does. If anything, it was the primary culprit in a crime I thought could never again be committed; That crime? Making a game that bore The Legend of Zelda in its title so incredibly awful that I balked in disgust.

So… what exactly is it that has me so riled up?

Spirit Tracks’ controls:

Rather than using the tried and true formula (dpad, analog and face buttons) to maneuver Link, swing his sword, open treasure chests etc, Nintendo instead opted to use a pen, or what they prefer to call a stylus. Now, its been several months since I sold my DS Lite, so my memory may be a bit foggy when describing exactly how the stylus was used. You hold the system with your left hand, and with your right hand holding the stylus, you quickly slash the screen in a straight motion to swipe your sword, in a circular motion to perform Link’s classic spinning attack, and double tap the screen quickly to perform a roll. To move Link you simply slide the stick across the screen. Link will follow your penprints. WOW huh? yeah… that even had me for a little while but believe you me, the novelty wears off quickly.

This new-ish method of control that Nintendo still, even today (see Kid Icarus: Uprising for the Nintendo 3DS) insists on shoving down people’s throats is in no way an improvement upon the prior formula. In many ways its a step backwards because precision is lost, and not only that, but the system becomes a chore to simply hold because the method of control is so awkward.

Here is a list of grievances I had with this game’s controls:

1.) Walking/Running in Spirit Tracks was not as precise as with a dpad/analog stick

2.) Swiping, again, was not as precise as it would have been with real gaming controls. There were plenty of instances where, using the stylus, I intended to swipe in one direction, only to have Link grow a mind of his own and attack some invisible enemy in the opposite direction.

3.) Rolling was disastrous. I cannot count the number of times I accidently rolled when I meant to simply swipe, or vice versa. Sometimes I even rolled toward enemies instead of away from them.

The one thing I can take from that experience is that I never, I repeat, I never, with an emphasis on never, had such constant issues in previous games in the Zelda line. Therefore, my only reasonable conclusion here is that gimmicky stylus based controls are in no way a viable alternative to actual press-able buttons.

Yet another example of why stylus usage just isn’t practical is the Kid Icarus: Uprising situation. Get this: This game will feature controls similar to those found in Metroid Prime: Hunters. That means that aside from the slidepad for character movement, everything else will be done using the stylus and the touchscreen. Despite the discomfort that such a control setup caused many players who voiced their complaints on MPH’s boards, Nintendo will again give players no alternative. To make up for the crappy controls, they’ve thrown in a free stand with Kid Icarus: Uprising… you know, so that you can set the 3DS on it and play the game without discomfort… LOL… Wouldn’t it have been simpler to just map all the game’s mechanics to the slidepad, directional pad and the face buttons? Its like Nintendo deliberately took the long and bumpy road, instead of the easily accessible and smoother short cut.

Now, I know from reading all that you may get the impression that I ‘hate’ Nintendo’s stylus. Well, I don’t. In fact I think its pretty darn cool, that is… when used right. The problem is that the only games that can use a stylus correctly are the ones designed entirely around a simple concept; Scribblenauts immediately comes to mind and who can forget Ace Attorney or Trauma Center? But for larger, more expansive games like those found in The Legend of Zelda line, the stylus becomes an impediment of enjoyment.

RANT OVER…